All Purpose Cultural Catgirl ReiRei
by Crimson Arrow
Summary: All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku fusion.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own _Neon Genesis: Evangelion_ or _All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku_.

Notes: This chapter has been updated, formatting wise.

* * *

**All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Rei-Rei**

By Crimson Arrow

Chapter One

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-

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Run silent, run deep.

-

This phrase reserved for the manoeuvres of a submarine matched up almost perfectly with the events past.

-

They left without so much as a whisper.

In the middle of the night.

Zigzagging their way as though they were in treacherous waters.

As if they were escaping.

-

But this was no ocean or submarine. Nor an ordinary house-move for that matter.

* * *

"Kaa-san, where are we going?"

"You know the answer to that, Shinji. We're moving to Tokyo."

-

"I know that… but did we have to leave at 2am?"

"Well, I… I wanted to beat the morning traffic. Lots of people are moving to Tokyo, you know… Lots."

Yui Ikari laughed very nervously. Her son, Shinji Ikari, sat unconvinced as his mother looked over her shoulder for the umpteenth time.

-

"Are you looking for something back there?"

"Ah, no, I'm just – just checking our trailer's still there."

-

"I don't know why you didn't just get some movers to take that stuff. It's a lot less trouble than an overloaded car."

"Sorry Shinji, but you know I can't let just anyone handle that equipment. What if they were damaged? That would be years of work down the drain. Not to mention if they fell into the wrong ha–."

"Yeah, I know… your research is important to you."

-

Glancing away from the road, Yui looked at her son. He slouched on the passenger seat, crestfallen as he had been for days now, upset at the prospect of another move. A white kitten lay curled up in his lap, waving its tail as Shinji absentmindedly stroked it.

-

"So… have you given her a name yet?"

"No."

-

"Uncle was generous to give you the first of the litter, wasn't he? I hope you thanked him properly."

"Yeah… but it really didn't feel right accepting it."

-

"Hmm? Why's that?"

"Well… now this kitten is going to grow up without its mother and siblings. It'll be all alone. It's wrong to do that, isn't it?"

-

"Shinji, it's a kitten – she doesn't know the difference."

"But I do."

"So then she'll make new cat friends in Tokyo – just like you'll make new friends. You'll see."

-

Attempting to break into the heart of the matter, Yui took a hand away from the wheel and placed it reassuringly on Shinji's shoulder.

"Listen… I know you're upset about all this… but this'll be the last time. Promise."

"That's what you said last time, and the time before that. I was really settling in this time Kaa-san, I really was… school was fun, I had good friends… I was happy… there was even this girl…"

-

"…Shinji."

"…"

-

Silence came between the two. There was only the sound of the station wagon's engine. A monotonous humming that only magnified the tension.

-

"…Hey, cheer up. It's not like you'll never see them again. Yokohama isn't that far from Tokyo by train – we can visit whenever you want."

"…Yeah?"

-

"Yeah. And you know what? I really mean it this time when I say it'll be the last move."

"Really? Do you mean it?"

Lifting up his cobalt blue eyes, Shinji had the faintest expression of hope. Yui could only smile.

"Yep. This new job is a favour from an old friend. A friend who knows about our… situation."

-

Shinji's eyes widened and he paled ever so slightly, a stark contrast to his expression only a few seconds before.

"There's not a problem is there? Has he found us!"

"No, no, no Shinji! I just mean to say that should anything happen, Fuyutsuki-sensei won't hold us accountable and fire me on the spot. So don't worry your pretty little head, 'kay?"

-

"Oh, good…" relief spread itself on Shinji's features. "But then why all the secrecy?"

"Precautions, Shinji. Just precautions. Can never be too careful when he's involved."

-

"Yeah… but I don't understand – was he always like that?"

"Honestly… no. He used to be a lot like you, actually. But after the divorce… well, I guess some people don't know what they have until they lose it."

-

"Except in this case, he really did lose it."

Yui laughed heartily and Shinji joined in. It was rare for him to laugh, especially when they were on this particular subject, and rarer still for him to crack a joke. Whether he knew it or not, Shinji had just put the atmosphere back to what the mother-son duo were accustomed to: an open and loving bonding session.

Their laughter settling down now, Yui ventured again to dispel Shinji's fears and raise his spirits.

"It's good to hear you laugh, Shinji."

"You too."

-

"It was a good feeling wasn't it? In our new home there'll be more times like that – and we won't have to worry about that troublesome man anymore."

"Kaa-san…"

-

Leaning over, Yui hooked an arm around Shinji's shoulder and brought him into a gentle embrace. Far from resisting, Shinji let himself be a washed with the warm affection, resting his head on his mother's shoulder.

Keeping her eyes on the road, Yui whispers into Shinji's ear.

"Everything is going to be just fine now. No more travelling, no more new schools, no more introducing yourself, no more making new friends – no more anything. It'll just be you, me, Tokyo, and, and… and you should really give her a name."

"Meow!"

-

Mother and son laughed at what seemed to be the little feline's noise of agreement. Shinji scratched behind its ears and it purred with pleasure.

-

_I guess she'll be fine after all. Maybe I can do the same…_

-

"I-I love you, Kaa-san."

"I love you too, Shinji."

"Meow."

-

The family moved and grew closer together. It didn't matter where they were, or if they were in hard times – as long as they were together they could face anything. Nothing could stop them.

-

Well… almost nothing.

* * *

Reviews are appreciated. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own_ Neon Genesis: Evangelion_ or _All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku._

Notes: This was actually meant to go up straight after chapter one, but my internet has some issues... thank you for the reviews so far!

Anyway, things actually start happening this chapter (I suppose). It might interest you to know I have never seen Catgirl Nuku Nuku - which is probably better for the purposes of this fusion.

You may notice I'm not too fond of FFN's formating system in this chapter. If it's not allowed, please let me know.

**_

* * *

_**

**_All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Rei-Rei_**

By Crimson Arrow

Chapter Two

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-

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The sun came up. At least that's what they thought at first – the sun doesn't usually reach high noon in two seconds. Or rise in the north – which happened to be directly in front of them.

Yui braked hard, but found it difficult to keep the car going straight while blinded. The result was a filled ditch on the roadside.

-

"Uh… You okay, Shinji?"

"Y-Yeah… w-what's going on?"

"Meow?"

-

Huge, brilliant beams of light were focusing themselves onto the Ikari car and the occupants could not see outside of it.

Shielding her eyes, Yui assessed the situation.

-

_What the hell? It's definitely not another car… a UFO? No, be logical, Yui! Your son is here! Wait, it's moving!_

Winding her window down, she decided to try and make contact.

-

_Huh? That sound – a helicopter? No it can't be…_

_"Bwahahahaha!"_

_Oh, God, it is! I know that maniacal laughter anywhere!_

_-_

A black helicopter was landing directly in front of the station wagon, its spotlights aimed at the mother and son. The ground and air shook as the pilot made what was an amateurish landing on the helicopter's frame – seemingly from excitement, Yui could swear. The spotlights made it difficult to see, but one could make out the silhouette of a man coming out of the vehicle… throwing his head back with laughter.

-

"It's h-him… is-isn't it?"

"Don't worry, Shinji. We're getting out of here right now."

-

Doing what any other mother would do in this situation, Yui put her foot down. Hard. The old station wagon quickly responded with a burst of speed… only to jerk backwards just as quickly. The ditch had also taken hold of the trailer, a hefty article that the car could not just move from a starting position up hill. Not to mention the load already on the car itself.

-

"Come on… come on, you piece of junk… _move!_"

"We're stuck, aren't we? This is just like one of those horror movies, where the creature gets closer and closer while the victim can't do anything but stand helpless before-"

"Come out, Shin-chan! Your father's here to take you home!"

"_Aargh!_ He's here!"

-

Taking a strong reaction to anything that makes her son squeal like a little girl, Yui was already out of the car and on the offensive. Her white lab coat flapping in the wind, she looked like she was about to pull her brown locks out of her head. Not even stopping to straighten her pink blouse and blue skirt, Yui strode up and faced her old spouse. Her eyes, cobalt blue like Shinji's, were ablaze.

-

"_Gendou, you bastard!_" she roared. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You almost killed us!"

-

The spotlights dimming, they could finally see the nightmare they had tried to escape from. Always dressed to intimidate, Gendou's black business suit could be mistaken for an officer's uniform. Standing ten metres away in front of the helicopter, he kept a cool composure, accented by the tinted glassed he wore. His black hair was trimmed short and a short haired beard framed his face. In contrast to the dark colours he wore white gloves.

-

"You know why I'm here, Yui. I've come to take back what's rightfully mine."

Unlike his overly-affectionate tone with Shinji, Gendou was quite cold towards his former wife.

-

"Don't talk about Shinji like that – he's not an object, he's our son! And he doesn't want to go with you!"

"Of course he doesn't… not after what you've done to him."

The sudden, ominous tone in Gendou's voice wasn't going down well with Yui or Shinji, who had poked his head out in curiosity. Even the white kitten eyed the event with interest.

-

"What? Are you saying I've brain-washed him?"

"Don't think I don't know, Yui… I know what've you've done."

-

"What are you talking about?"

"It was quite ingenious; a way to make my son absolutely loyal to you and distrustful of me… very ingenious indeed."

-

"What on earth are you talking about, Gendou?"

"You've given Shinji…

-

-

-

…_an Oedipus complex._"

"_I what!_"  
"_She what!_"

-

"Don't deny it! A psychological complex where the son is infatuated with the mother and malevolent towards the father. Killing two birds with one stone… I never thought you were so devious, Yui. I'm shocked."

"…You're shocked? You're shocked!" her eyes' bulging out of their sockets, Yui was indeed very shocked.

Shinji on the other hand, was quite confused…

_Do I really have an Oedipus complex? We are pretty close…but I don't think of her like that! …Do I?_

-

"This is preposterous! I must be dreaming – yes, that's it! This is all just a dream and any moment now I'll wake up, a white hospital ceiling above me after falling asleep at the wheel and mowing down dozens of senior citizens and preschool children before crashing into a baby animal farm. Compared to this, that must be reality!"

Panting heavily and hysterical, Yui could not believe the nerve of her former husband.

-

"Um… Kaa-san? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not 'okay', Shinji. Your father is trying to push his failings as a parent onto me!"

"I'm a bad parent? Look at Shin-chan! He's scrawny, pale, uncommonly wimpish looking…"

"Hey!"

"Oh, and such a whiny prepubescent voice! My poor, poor son…" Gendou shook his head and held out his hands in anguish. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Yui. You're a disgrace to mothers everywhere."

-

That was the last straw for Yui. They could tell her she was a workaholic. They could tell her she was a terrible cook. They could even tell her she was nothing but a love-starved woman. But nobody calls her a bad mother. Especially not this man. Especially.

The next minute for Shinji was one he'll never forget. His mother swore, cursed, damned, cussed and uttered profanities from every corner of the world and beyond at his father. He knew she could get angry, but he never thought she'd explode. His father on the other hand was quite composed… for the moment. He could turn back into the obsessive father at any time.

-

Taking the time to compare the two, Shinji just could not see them married.

His mother was a brilliant scientist and homemaker.

His father was a conniving businessman and a workaholic.

-

His mother was very caring.

His father was very unfeeling.

-

His mother liked children, hiking, and strawberries.

His father didn't like anything, except… well, him.

-

She was an angel.

He was a black sheep.

They were two sides of a coin. Ying and Yang. White and Black. Man and Woman. They had absolutely nothing in common.

And at this very moment the two of them were facing off like gunfighters, poised only thirty feet away from each other, their faces hard with determination. The prize: Shinji, apparently.

That was the only thing they had in common, he realised.

-

Her spectacular verbal abuse spree done, Yui got back on topic.

"… why don't you come here and say that?"

"Oh ho! I'm not falling for that one again!" Lifting up his tinted glasses, Gendou showed off a pair of black eyes.

-

"Hey, when did he get those?"

"Um… I actually had a little run in with him the other week at the mall…"

-

"So that's why we're moving so suddenly!"

"Forgive me, Shinji. I didn't want to alarm you… especially since I bumped into him at a fabric sale…"

-

"A fabric sale?"

"He had a whole pile of baby blue with chibi bears printed all over it…"

"I needed more material for Shinji's sailor suit." Gendou proudly stated… much to Yui and Shinji's horror.

-

"You sick freak! There's no way you'll ever get Shinji while I'm alive, so why don't you just pack it in and leave, Gendou!"

Moving Shinji behind her in a protective manner, Yui stood ready for a fight.

_He knows he can't take Shinji by force – not by himself anyway – I made sure to teach him that. He must be up to something, ambushing us out here… well, whatever it is, he'll have to get through me first!_

-

"So be it, Yui."

Comparable to hard stone, Gendou's face and voice betrayed no emotion. Pulling a phone out from inside his jacket he kept this frosty nature as he made a call.

"Send her down."

-

_He's sending for someone? What co-_

Yui did not finish the thought. The sound of another aircraft came overhead. Swooping in from an unknown direction was a VTOL transport, which was akin to a plane but with cylindrical 'wings' which held spinning propellers, letting it hover above the desolate highway.

Peeking out from behind his mother, Shinji could see that the hatch on the VTOL was open, and if he squinted hard enough he could make out a figure there. Was that… red eyes?

Before Shinji could take a second look, the figure jumped. Open-mouthed, Yui and Shinji stood shocked as the figure fell from one hundred feet. But what really brought their jaws to the ground was that this person landed on their feet.

Alive.

* * *

Please read and review. Chapter three coming up.

Oh, and a very special thanks to my prereaders Lone Wulffe, Wanderer, and EvaontheRocks. Let's all go on a quadruple date sometime, ne? teeheehee


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own _Neon Genesis: Evangelion_ or _All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku_.

Some problems prevented me from uploading this latest chapter, so please excuse the lateness.

* * *

All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Rei-Rei

By Crimson Arrow

Chapter Three

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-

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Unshaken after a fall that should have killed them, the figure calmly stood up and revealed themselves to be a young girl. A very peculiar young girl to be precise, for apart from making a crater in the ground, she had the strangest of appearances.

Looking to be the same age as Shinji, the girl wore a tight, mostly white rubber outfit that showed off her slim figure. Quickly looking away to avoid a nosebleed, Shinji focused his eyes a little higher, and found some unusual features.

For one, this girl had pale skin. Very pale skin; it looked like she had never seen the sun. She also had blue hair. Short, feathery blue hair that framed her face in a wolfish manner. But most disconcerting of all were her piercing red eyes. Eyes that seemed to bore right through you, but at the same time were so very distant.

_She looks like a porcelain doll…_

-

Although enchanted by her, Shinji could not get one question out of his mind.

_Has she ever smiled?_

He could swear the girl in front of him was the meaning of the word stoic. She gave off an aura of apathy so strong Shinji thought any kind of emotion would be sucked away; negated just by her presence.

-

_And that expression… so cold, so… indifferent. Who is she? What's happened to make her so?_

_-_

The VTOL had disappeared during Shinji's musings. Moving to be beside her, Gendou introduced the newcomer.

"Meet Rei. Rei Ayanami."

-

Yui was more wary than she had ever been. Who was this girl that was beyond ordinary? What had her former husband been up to?

"Gendou… what have you done?"

"You don't know, Yui? You should recognise your work when you see it… even if it was never put into practice."

-

"No… you didn't… but how?"

"Naoko told me everything. All it took was some persuasion and she even agreed to head the project."

-

"You… I guess you're not a successful businessman for nothing. But this… to do something like this, it's – it's wrong!"

"You forced me to, Yui… I had to fight fire with fire. Don't you see the resemblance?"

-

Perplexed, Yui turned her eyes towards the girl… if that's what she really was. At first she thought she was mistaken, worn out by the events of the night, but there was no denying it.

That cute button nose.

The shape of the eyes.

Those soft lips.

The heart-shaped face.

Even that bob-like hair style.

-

-

-

…This girl had her face.

-

"H-How…? Why? What is the meaning of this?"

"Stop the charade, Yui. You know very well why…"

-

"Wait, you mean… oh, you have got to be kidding me."

"What better way to fight an Oedipus complex? With your looks, there's no way Shin-chan can resist Rei. Not to mention her… other abilities. I'm sure you're well aware that you're no match for her."

-

Yui did not seem to hear this last part… she was too busy muttering to herself about 'divine punishment', 'for the good of human kind', and something about her 'alibi'. Apparently, she did not think much of Gendou's now evident plan of attack. Not much at all.

-

Shinji however, wasn't so sure. Continuing to peer out from behind his mother, he had been unable to take his eyes off the one called Rei Ayanami. For some curious reason he felt that if he looked away she would disappear. While still being entranced by those crimson orbs, he asked the question that had been racking his mind all night.

"Kaa-san… do I really have an Oedipus complex?"

"_No!_ No you don't, son! You may have hedgehog's dilemma, self-worth issues, and a fear of fatherly figures, but you do _not _have an Oedipus complex! Okay?"

-

"Oh… okay."

Giving Shinji a queer look, Yui raised an eyebow.

"Don't sound so disappointed, Shinji…"

-

"Enough. _Oh, Shin-chan…_"

Despite Gendou's best intentions, his sing-song voice was no where near soothing. Far from it – it was plain frightening. Next to bearded men, white gloves, and the time his father dressed up as Santa Claus, a sing-song voice was one of Shinji's worst nightmares.

"Shin-chan, do you want to come home with your rich, loving father? Or do you want to go with that vile woman? I've got cookies baking in the oven!"

-

With his legs bent and his hands on his knees, Gendou was in the classic father-tries-to-win-son-over pose. He was even rocking back and forth on his heels. Holding back their urge to retch, mother and son gave the father a blank stare.

-

"Um, Otou-san… listen… you're my father and all, and… and you'll always be my father no matter what, but… but…"

"But what, Shin-chan?"

-

_But you scare the b'jesus out of me... No, I better lay him down gently._

"…But… ah… um… ahem… screw it. You scare the b'jesus out of me, Otou-san."

-

Straight-faced and silent, Gendou slowly took his hands away from his knees and stood upright. A chill went through Shinji's spine. His father had gone into business mode and even the air changed with him. Pushing his glasses up with his middle finger, Gendou spoke.

"I see. Your mother's hold over you is stronger than I had hoped. You leave me no other option, Shinji. Rei?"

"Sir?"

-

"Proceed with the Operation."

"Yes, sir."

-

What happened next was a blur in Shinji's memory. One moment his mother was telling him to run and the next she was lying on the ground. Behind him. Halfway down the road.

"Kaa-san!"

"Stage One complete. All obstacles removed."

-

The low voice, almost akin to an automated response, made Shinji jump. The girl called Rei was right behind him; right where his mother had been standing. She was so close that an inch more and their noses would touch… prompting Shinji to fall clumsily on his behind. While on the ground, Shinji put two and two together.

…_Eskimo kiss? No! How can I be thinking about that at a time like this! This girl… she… and Kaa-san… in one blow! But she looks so fragile… so delicate, so slender, so soft, and those legs and that ches – aargh! I do not have an Oedipus complex! I don't!_

_-_

"Proceeding with Stage Two."

Finished with wiping his strangely spontaneous nosebleed, Shinji perked up his head. He thought for sure that Stage Two meant the girl beating him senseless so he could be taken away.

How wrong he was. How very wrong.

-

"H-Hey! W-What are you doing!"

"Proceeding with Stage Two."

-

"No! D-Don't do _that!_"

"Do not fear. Trust in your father's plan."

-

"_Aargh! What in God's name is Stage Two!_"

-

Stepping out of the white mound that was her rubber suit, Rei left nothing to the imagination wearing her see-through, body-hugging, black dress. The flowing skirt with its slit up the side bared willowy thigh and a daring 'V' cut on the front made a mockery of 'overexposure'.

Dark cloth against pale skin was hauntingly sensuous. Even more so the longer you stared, Shinji noted, blinded as he was by the sight. Quite literally – the helicopter's spotlights had been activated and were reflecting off strategically placed mirrors onto Rei, and its propellers were spinning. Not fast enough to lift off, but enough to make a gentle breeze.

The overall effect was striking. There lay Shinji on the asphalt, shielding his eyes from what can only be described as the vision of an Angel. Light did not touch her – it shone from her. Her radiance was divine; her strange features suddenly noble. Wind brushed through her wispy hair.

The moon shimmered in the darkness.

-

Under her breath, she answered Shinji's question.

"Stage Two complete. Seduction successful."

-

-

The scene was so picturesque, so unreal, so…

"_Bwahahahaha!_"

-

-

…so ruined.

-

Speaking through a mircophone, Gendou decided to coax his son a little more – ironically bringing Shinji out of his stupor. Recalling that his father wanted him to come _live_ with him, Shinji did what he did best.

He ran away. He got up and he ran away like his life depended on it – which it did. Life with his father did not seem to be the most promising prospect, especially when you considered the wardrobe Gendou had been laying out for his son… and himself.

-

"_Rei, proceed with Stage Three – and quickly now. I need to take Shinji's measurements for our matching clothes._"

-

Finding a new fear to spurr him onwards, Shinji ran like the wind. His father's voice continued to boom behind him – continued to give him more reason to run.

"_Resistance is futile, son. Rei has been fine-tuned to your needs – intellectually and physically. See how she looks like your mother? Do you see, Shinji? Look at her! You love that face, don't you? Don't you! Give in to the Oedipus Complex, Shinji! Give in to the Oedipus side! Bwahahahaha!"_

_-_

It pained Gendou's heart to say such things, but he knew deep down it was the only way. If he could win Shinji over like this, there would be nothing Yui could do. _Nothing_. Oh, she thought she was _so smart_ giving his son an Oedipus Complex, but he had made a fool-proof plan to render it _useless_. The look on her face will be priceless when she sees that Shinji wants to be with Rei – and therefore _him_.

Yes. He was just too good.

-

-

Elsewhere, further down the highway, Shinji was expressing his distress – physically and vocally.

_This was not in the briefing... _Thought Rei.

* * *

Thanks again to Lone Wulffe, EvaontheRocks, and Wanderer.

Chapter 4 coming up.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own _Neon Genesis: Evangelion_ or _All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku_.

Thank you for the reviews. They make me really happy... now if only people gave me money (raspberry)

And if anyone is screaming about where the catgirls are (I'm really surprised no one hasn't yet), I am so so sorry... I feel your pain.

* * *

All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Rei-Rei

By Crimson Arrow

Chapter Four

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-

-

Using her inhuman speed, Rei overtook her prey and – under the sonata of high-pitched screams – Stage Three was implemented...

…At least, Rei tried to implement Stage Three. The roll down the hill was quite the interference. She had been trained to take down a moving target, but not one that was in the middle of fainting. The lack of resistance and the young woman's extraordinary strength had them off the highway, down a steep hillside, and into the privacy of the bushes.

-

"Uh… wha… what happened…?"

"It appears you fainted."

"…I-Is something on top of me? I can't get up."

-

His eyes finally focusing, Shinji got up at the view of Rei's impressive bust in more ways than one. Letting a short squeal escape his lips, he tried to roll out from under her but Rei had a good grip on his shoulders. He actually reversed their positions and ended up on top of her with a muffled thump.

Rei let out a quiet, yet sultry, gasp at the sudden movement, which sent Shinji's libido off the scale. He struggled to loosen Rei's grip with no success, only loosening her shoulder straps and making himself more aware of her physical attributes. So he closed his eyes and mentally chanted his newfound mantra.

_I don't have an Oedipus Complex, I don't have an Oedipus Complex, I don't have an Oedipus Complex…_

_-_

Meanwhile, inches away from Shinji, Rei was deep within her own thoughts. _This was certainly not in the briefing…could the commander have been wrong? But I specifically remember being told there would be no resistance at all…_

_-_

"…Oedipus Complex, I do- huh?" Shinji broke the chant when he heard his name being called.

"…Shinji Ikari? May I ask you a question?" Just below his own face, Rei peered up at Shinji with her crimson eyes.

-

Immobilised by Rei's strong hands, Shinji didn't have much of a choice. He tried to make eye-contact, but his shyness made him lower his gaze… which made him shoot his eyes towards the foliage beside Rei's head. They had landed on soft leaves with trees surrounding them and the moon above in the night sky. The grass in the clearing was tall, and concealed them and anything that they may do…

-

"Um… sure."

"Why do you resist?"

-

"W-Why? Because… because…"

"It is because you… dislike me?"

"_W-What!_"

-

Shocked at Rei's forwardness, Shinji locked his eyes onto hers and found her to be the one averting her eyes this time. But not from shyness – Shinji could swear she appeared sad.

-

"No… it's not that I dislike you. Not at all. It's just… my father…well, it's complicated, but in any case I don't dislike you. We just met after all."

"I'm… glad."

-

Even though Rei's eyes were still averted they appeared to sparkle, like a ripple in a red ocean. Shinji listened intently as she went on .

-

"If you disliked me, then… I would have no purpose. I would be nothing. But you don't, so… I'm… glad."

'Glad' rolled off Rei's tongue with some uncertainty, as if she was trying the word for the first time.

-

"P-Purpose? What are you saying…?"

"I was created for you. My sole purpose is to serve you.

-

-

-

"I'm your wife."

-

"…"

"Husband? Are you alright? You're turning very red."

-

"…J-Just… give me a minute… please…"

"If something is bothering you, you can tell me, your wife."

-

"Uh…n-no, I'm fine, really…"

"Your body is getting very hot… may I suggest we go back to your father's house to recover, husban-"

"_No!_ No, no, no, no, no! There's no way I'm going with Otou-san!"

-

Shinji gasped for air and gritted his teeth. He didn't mean to shout. The situation was just getting stranger and stranger - his mind was still processing all the information. That he was crouching over a half-naked girl in the secrecy of the bushes didn't help much.

-

"You don't want to go with your father?"

"…No. I know he means well, but… he's strange. He's always doing things like this, surprising us and trying to take me away, making trouble for me and Ka- oh no, _Kaa-san!_ She's hurt! Please, I have to go to her!"

-

Shinji felt a stab of shame that he forgotten all about his mother, running away and leaving her behind like that. He had even overlooked that Rei was the one who attacked her.

Rei replied as heartlessly as she sounded.

-

"I cannot do that. I have orders to seduce you and then to prepare you for transport to the commander's home."

"W-What! T-Then forget about those orders!"

-

Shinji was yelling down at Rei, struggling again to be free of her grip. He had seemingly forgotten about their compromising position. The worry he felt for his mother was one reason for it, but the other was about Rei herself. What loyalty could she possibly owe to someone like his father?

-

"You don't do everything my father says, do you? Just what is my father to you!"

"He… he is the one who brought me into this world. I have to obey him."

-

_That's not right… what has father been saying to this girl?_

"What? That's doesn't make sense at all! Everyone makes their own destiny – that's what my mother says. Isn't there something you want, something for yourself?"

"I… I have only ever known one thing to desire… and that is you, Shinji Ikari."

-

Shinji became very still. He didn't breath or blink. All of a sudden, Rei's quiet and subdued voice reminded him they were alone together.

-

"When the commander gave me life, he told me I had only a single purpose: To be one with Shinji Ikari. Since then, I have trained extensively to be the perfect mate for you."

-

Their eyes met, cimson and azure swirls of oceans blending into one another. He could understand her motives. He saw the fiery passion in her eyes, her ocean, her _heart_, when she spoke of purpose.

_I'm all she's ever known…she doesn't know anything else. Father… how could you? You've brain-washed her..._

_-_

"I trust the commander. He has never led me astray. So please understand, I do not intend to fail my mission, my life's purpose… there is no room for failure."

-

Shinji made a loud gasp when Rei suddenly rolled on top of him without warning. Dead leaves scattered in their wake. He could feel her soft hands holding him down firmly by his arms, and he could feel the unwavering gaze of her eyes. Even though the moon glistened high above her, Rei's delicate face had a shimmering aura of its own right then.

Her voice whispered like the gentlest breeze…

-

-

-

"…you are my reason for existance… Shinji Ikari…"

-

-

-

Ever so slowy, her face edged closer to his. Soft lips were gently pressed against his. Shinji's heart missed a beat.

And then he cried.

-

It wasn't because he had always wanted to hear those words, those sweet words which one always longs for. The tears streaming down his face were of sadness, not joy. This girl before him, her life had been stolen away by his father... and for what? For him. For someone weak. Cowardly. Pathetic. She was wasted on him a thousand times over.

He cried for her, because she could not shed any tears for herself.

-

"Why are you crying?"

Rei appeared genuinely alarmed and confused. She'd never seen anyone cry before – except for that awkward moment when she caught the commander with a replica, life-size doll of Shinji.

-

"(sniff)… I… I'm crying… I'm crying for you, silly… (sniff)"

"I don't understand. Did I displease you in some way?"

-

'_I don't understand.'_ Shinji echoed in his mind. _That's exactly why I'm crying… you don't understand… you don't understand what's been done to you!_

"N-No, you didn't do anything… well, not exactly… "

-

The awkward moment was broken when the faint sound of music brushed past their ears. Was that a saxophone? A piano? Barry White? Shinji didn't know much about setting the mood, but he could swear this music was doing just that.

-

"…W-Why's that music playing?"

"That is the signal to begin Stage Four."

-

Shinji squirmed inwardly. The first stage had been a shock, seeing his mother fly past him. But the second stage… that was surprising to say the least. He certainly didn't expect it.

-

"…What was Stage Three?"

"First Kiss."

-

Shinji blushed, before gulping. Hard. Was this going where he thought it was?

-

"Then… Stage F-Four?"

"Physical Intimacy."

-

Said without a trace of emotion, Rei appeared utterly calm about it all.

Shinji turned as white as a ghost. He couldn't speak, he couldn't breath – his mouth hung agape like a fish's. He had to do something and quickly, or his father would be cosplaying with him.

_Wait, wasn't there something else… oh - Rei! I can't go through with, with… with that! And it's not Rei's fault – she just doesn't know any better… what should I do…_

_-_

_What would Mana do?_

-

Mana always knew what to do. Always knew how to get out of scrapes, no matter how narrow. Whether by talking her way out with her cheesy grin or lethal fists, there was never a dull moment with her. And he could call her friend – he still couldn't believe that part. Mana had been everything he was not - confident, decisive, outgoing, brave… he looked up to her. She made him want to be more than he was.

Outside of Shinji's musings, Rei was inching closer and closer for the next stage. Only when he heard the unmistakable chink of a belt unbuckling did he snap back to reality.

Hastily forming a plan to save his maidenhood, Shinji recalled how Mana would regularly pout to get what she wanted. It had always worked on him, and Rei seemed to be even less socially informed, so it just might work. Steeling his courage, Shinji leapt into action.

-

"Um…A-Ayanami-san, was it? Could you not… d-do t-that… p-please?"

_Oh boy…_

* * *

Chapter five coming up. Thanks again to Lone Wulffe, EvaontheRocks, and Wanderer. 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own _Neon Genesis: Evangelion_ or _All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku_.

Something out of character happens this chapter. Now I think I can get away with it because this is a comedy (Gendou's already on crack), but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. Let me know what you think.

* * *

All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Rei-Rei

By Crimson Arrow

Chapter Five

-

-

-

"Um... A-Ayanami-san, was it? Could you not... d-do t-that... p-please?"

_Argh. What was that! I have to be more assertive… and I really do have a whiny voice..._

-

"I have to do this, husband. The commander ordered me so."

"T-There you go again about your commander! Is he your husband or am I!"

-

Anyone else would find Shinji's 'pouting' laughable, but Rei was unaccustomed to such behaviour. In fact, the spell had already fallen upon her and was weaving away her conviction. The seeds of doubt had been sown and her reply was laced with some reservations.

-

"…You are my husband."

"Oh, really? Then why aren't you listening to me? Shouldn't a wife trust her husband, more than any other man?"

_Hey, this isn't that hard at all… being selfish is really easy! Just 'me, me, me!'_

-

Whipping his head up and to the side with his nose up, Shinji was doing a remarkable job of acting. To finish it off, he pushed his lips out and made a sulky 'hmph' every now and again. If only his father could see him now - how proud he would be of his son's manipulation techniques. 'Winning is all that matters in this world' was his motto, and 'the end justifies the means for any victory - no matter how many lawsuits or bribes it costs.' Yes, acting like a whiny girl upped Shinji a good couple of notches on Gendou's charts.

-

Sneaking a glance at Rei out of the corner of his eye, Shinji almost grinned maliciously. Rei appeared to be fumbling for an answer, and she slowly spoke it once she had come to it logically.

-

"…True. A wife should obey her husband. But your judgement has been impaired by your mother."

-

Whipping his head back to face her with a furious glare that would frighten any whipped husba- er, wife, Shinji was the enraged spouse incarnate. He bared his gritted teeth and made his eyes flare with unadulterated fury. It was a testament to Rei's self-control that she only looked like a wide-eyed doe.

-

"_Impaired!_ Who told you that? It's nonsense!"

"The… the commander did."

-

Rei almost stuttered. She never stuttered. Always composed, collected, and completely logical; that was how she knew herself to be. How she was trained to be. But nothing had ever trained her for such a… unique scenario.

The commander and his assistants, Akagi-sensei and Ibuki-san, had taught her everything from survival skills, numerous forms of armed and unarmed combat, the operation of various vehicles and devices, illegal interrogation methods, where her future husband's squeal-points were; she was supposed be ready for anything.

The conflicting emotions within Rei were tugging at her loyalties, and the sides shifted again when Shinji's eyes seemed to soften coyly and his mouth made a lazy smile.

-

"Oh, so your _precious commander_ told you. Well, then it _must_ be true if your_ commander_ told you. Even if there's nothing but his word to go on, there's _no way_ your _commander_ could be wrong."

"…"

-

Shinji took her silence as the signal to begin the end of this bizarre dispute. Not unlike Rei, he cast an unreadable expression on his face. His lips formed a flat line. His eyes were neither angry, sad, nor happy. His cold voice froze her.

-

"Ayanami-san, I'm only going to ask this once... stop obeying my father. Promise me you won't be his doll anymore. Because if you don't…."

-

Keep his face chillingly still, Shinji played his trump card with absolute seriousness.

-

-

"If you don't… I'll never speak to you again. _I'll hate you_."

-

-

-

'…_I'll hate you…I'll hate you… I'll hate you… I'll hate you… I'll hate you…'_

_-_

_-_

His words rung again and again in the hollows of her mind. Their callousness pierced her like an icicle. Slowly it melted, each drop of torture soaking in until it reached the deepest confines of her subconscious.

-

_He would hate her._ Rei suddenly felt sick.

-

She couldn't let this happen. He wasn't supposed to hate her. That wasn't her purpose. If he hated her, she had no purpose. She would fail and become _nothing_. Her existence would be voided.

-

_No… I cannot let that happen. I must fulfil my purpose. _I must.

-

Gradually, Rei softened her grip on Shinji's arms. Finger by finger slipped away, brushing against his skin, until Rei sat upright on her knees. Sitting up himself, Shinji breathed out a tiny sigh of relief and discreetly re-buckled his belt. A patch of flattened grass between them showed where they had lain together for so long.

-

"I… I promise. I will not be your father's doll… any longer."

-

Rei had cast her eyes downwards towards her lap, where her pale hands rested on top of one another. She had bowed her head, and Shinji found he could not meet her eyes. It was a stance of submission, he realised.

Before he could panic about whether he had gone too far or not, Rei looked up. At once their eyes locked, neither able to turn away due to some invisible force. Later, Shinji would decide that for him, that invisible force was fear. Those ruby eyes, the way they looked at him - it _frightened_ him. But they weren't arched in anger nor steeled with her cool aloofness; Shinji could only come up with one word to describe them.

-

_Devotion. Like the eyes of a zealot…_

-

What happened next was shocking.

-

-

"…And I promise that I will obey only you, Shinji Ikari. Until you wish otherwise, _I promise to be yours forever._"

-

-

Now it was Shinji's turn to be stopped dead in his tracks. This was more unexpected than when his father tried to pass off as his mother – and _that_ was shocking. Shinji couldn't look at his mother in the same way for weeks.

-

'…_Forever… forever… forever… forever… forever…' My God… I could do whatever I wanted with her._

"_Meow!_"

-

Fortunately for Shinji, a little white kitten decided to appear at that very moment.

At some stage it had gotten onto Rei's lap and had begun nuzzling against her quite happily. The fury, purring feline didn't seem to be causing Rei any discomfort, but after only spending a short time with her, Shinji was willing to bet this was a new and confusing experience for her.

-

"Oh, kitten-san… she must have followed us here. I think she likes you." Shinji smiled.

"Likes me… like I like you?" Rei cocked her head to one side.

-

"Er, no... not like that. Why don't you try petting her?"

"…pet her… …!"

"_Purrrrr…_"

-

Startled, Rei pulled her hand back at first, but timidly moved her hand forward again and gently caressed the elated creature. Simply by stroking it with her fingers over and over, Rei could extract such a blissful noise from this tiny animal. It was odd for her to say the least, and even odder that she could not stop. Whatever feeling her touch gave it, Rei was feeling a little of it too.

-

"See? She likes it when you pet her." Shinji told Rei. "She's really taken with you."

"It's strange… but, doing this… it feels… nice."

"_…Puuurrrrr…_"

-

Seeing the kitten and Rei together made something click inside Shinji's head. Neither had had a choice in their paths, but for some reason they had both landed in his care. He didn't ask for the responsibility, but seeing them like that, he wasn't about to fail it. He would look after them.

Standing up and brushing his pants off, Shinji extended an open hand to Rei.

-

"Come on… let's go back," was all he said.

-

Rei stopped her stroking and for a few seconds gazed at Shinji with her serene eyes before she grasped his warm hand and let herself be pulled up. The white kitten jumped off her lap at the last moment.

Standing now, Rei would not let go of his hand. Did she fear he would leave her? Shinji decided to let her have her way, and squeezed back.

Under the moonlight in the swaying grass, the couple stood together hand in hand. Was it the start of something beautiful? The journey had just begun.

-

"Well, then… let's go, Ayanami-san."

"Rei."

-

"What?"

"Call me, Rei."

-

"R-Right. Let's go… Rei."

"Good husband."

-

Shinji suddenly felt the full weight of the journey when Rei began petting him on the head.

-

"…I don't purr, Rei."

* * *

Reviews are appreciated. Don't hold your breath for chapter six, it's finished when it's finished.

Many thanks go out to Lone Wulffe, EvaontheRocks, and Wanderer (oh dear, you didn't get the end of this one, did you EvaontheRocks? Whoops.)


End file.
